I write this because I know that if I just talk about it I will feel as if I have soiled another moment, given sublime meaning to one more meaningless story, but if I write it out, get it down, you may have the rather blissful, I hope, opportunity to enjoy this again, and with deeper context.
I remember when I first began to realize that parents were not necessarily full of shit. I was at the "warm" group home in the foothills, as opposed to what Steven called the "Cold" place in Auburn where my respite had started shortly after my birthday. Steven was the kid my age (14) who was the real child inhabiting the foster home his parents ran out of their residence.
I was sent there while Patrick and Gillian (respite home/foster parents) went to DisneyLand with their foster kids. I never went back. Of course, after re-modeling their freakin front yard, I did think I had earned that meself, at least a trip to DisneyLand, but ah, well. Maybe I blew it the night a few weeks before the trip when Gillian sat me down outside on the front porch to tell me that my parents had died in a car accident on their way to surprise me with a visit. I could tell she was bullshitting, they would never do such a thing, (die?)(have the decency to?) maybe she couldn't tell that I could tell, but since I didn't really care it was easy enough to just shrug my shoulders, upon which she immediately laid the burden of telling me it wasn't true! OOOOOH Buuuuuuurn!!!! Didn't see that coming!!
Extra chores until I was moved to the house where Steven lived. So, one home made you do every chore while they lay around smoking cigarettes, and Steven's mom let me shoot a bb gun.Now, you may understand slightly better why I think that parents can be just so full of shit.
I went to Steven's house shortly before school was to begin. I thought I was enrolled at the middle school in auburn, and since I had discussed coming home to MY parents house at the end of summer with everyone if my behavior improved, I really didn't think that would ever be a reality. I was a ------ Trojan through and through, and wanted to follow my sister to -----------. Again, I re-modeled their entire front yard. Still, I found myself at the local middle school, but I get ahead of myself. That was the school were steven went, so I didn't exactly go alone, and kids there knew that steven's parents did this stuff, so the teasing was gone. all gone. gone.
About two weeks before the end of summer, his mom told him to start now with changing his schedule, that he had had the liberty of staying up pretty much as late as he had wanted to all summer, and the easiest way to wake up ready on day one of school was to set that pattern now. In not so many words, but still, he didn't listen. Should've-- he got in mad trouble when he tried to sleep in the first day and in more trouble for falling asleep later. So.
I can see now the bullshit of we love "you" as much as our own kid. I don't care about anyone EXCEPT my own kid, so why fucking stuff that down my face? and the world would like to go on to tell me that all of the ideals you hold true aren't going to come to pass. How fucking nice of you.