I
write this because I know that if I just talk about it I will feel as if I have
soiled another moment, given sublime meaning to one more meaningless story, but
if I write it out, get it down, you may have the rather blissful, I hope,
opportunity to enjoy this again, and with deeper context.
I remember when I first began to realize that parents were not necessarily
full of shit. I was at the "warm" group home in the foothills, as
opposed to what Steven called the "Cold" place in Auburn where my
respite had started shortly after my birthday. Steven was the kid my age (14)
who was the real child inhabiting the foster home his parents ran out of their
residence.
I was sent there while Patrick and Gillian (respite home/foster
parents) went to DisneyLand with their foster kids. I never went back. Of
course, after re-modeling their freakin front yard, I did think I had earned
that meself, at least a trip to DisneyLand, but ah, well. Maybe I blew it the
night a few weeks before the trip when Gillian sat me down outside on the front
porch to tell me that my parents had died in a car accident on their way to
surprise me with a visit. I could tell she was bullshitting, they would never
do such a thing, (die?)(have the decency to?) maybe she couldn't tell that I could tell, but since I
didn't really care it was easy enough to just shrug my shoulders, upon which
she immediately laid the burden of telling me it wasn't true! OOOOOH Buuuuuuurn!!!! Didn't see
that coming!!
Extra chores until I was moved to the house where Steven lived. So, one home made you do every chore while they lay around smoking
cigarettes, and Steven's mom let me shoot a bb gun.Now, you may
understand slightly better why I think that parents can be just so full of
shit.
I
went to Steven's house shortly before school was to begin. I thought I was
enrolled at the middle school in auburn, and since I had discussed coming home
to MY parents house at the end of summer with everyone if my behavior improved,
I really didn't think that would ever be a reality. I was a ------ Trojan
through and through, and wanted to follow my sister to -----------. Again, I
re-modeled their entire front yard. Still, I found myself at the local middle
school, but I get ahead of myself. That was the school were steven went, so I
didn't exactly go alone, and kids there knew that steven's parents did this
stuff, so the teasing was gone. all gone. gone.
About two weeks before
the end of summer, his mom told him to start now with changing his schedule,
that he had had the liberty of staying up pretty much as late as he had wanted
to all summer, and the easiest way to wake up ready on day one of school was to
set that pattern now. In not so many words, but still, he didn't listen.
Should've-- he got in mad trouble when he tried to sleep in the first day and in
more trouble for falling asleep later. So.
I can see now the
bullshit of we love "you" as much as our own kid. I don't care about
anyone EXCEPT my own kid, so why fucking stuff that down my face? and the world
would like to go on to tell me that all of the ideals you hold true aren't
going to come to pass. How fucking nice of you.
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